Subject: 10
best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk
TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK
10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the
time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got
here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new business strategy."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?"
4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to
handle that big accounting problem."
3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you
put your ear down real close?"
2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"
And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at
your desk!
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus name, Amen."
Sent in by Dan Shaffar
DEFINITIONS
Glide Time: The time between the engine
falling out and the airplane
hitting the ground.
Aero modeling: The art of turning precision
cut and glued balsa wood and
foam into toothpicks and confetti.
Crash: Method of seeing inside a model
airplane.
Receiver: Part of the radio that picks up
interference.
Tank: Temporary storage place for chemicals
before they saturate the plane.
Elevator: Device to prevent level flight.
Mixture Screw: Device to meter too little
fuel to the engine at critical
moments.
Nose Wheel: Device that prevents an airplane
from landing without bouncing.
Spinner: Critical part of landing gear
Luck: Very sparse on your side, but plenty
with your flying colleagues
only they refer to it as SKILL.
Tough Luck: This is what you usually have.
Your flying colleagues refer
to it as lack of skill.
Bad Luck: Same as TOUGH.
Good Luck: What you need the most, but
rarely have.
Crash: Quick method of removing radio and
engine from a model to fit
them in your new one.
Crash: Also: Synonym for "rekitting" a model
Center Of Gravity: Point in which G-forces,
dedicated to separating wing
from fuselage, do their stuff.
Cyanoacrylate: Special glue, designed to
instantly glue fingers to balsa
structures.
Cyanoacrylate: Also: Special glue, instantly
curing when parts are
misaligned, will hardly (if at all) cure when parts are correctly
aligned.
Dead Stick: Two of these can be found on
your transmitter after failing
to properly charge your batteries.
Engine: Device designed to make noise. Will
suddenly stop making this
noise when beyond glide-in distance.
Epoxy: The stuff that has replaced the balsa
after the flying season.
Fail Safe: Option on PCM radio's that allows
a pilot to choose whether
to crash near him, or a long way away
Fuel Tank: Plastic bottle, designed to leak
when placed in totally
inaccessible locations.
Fuselage: Optional interconnecting structure
between wings and engine.
Glitch: What you shout when you pull up
elevator while flying inverted
at 10 feet.
Landing Gear: Structure to separate fuselage
from runway after landing.
Does not always succeed in doing so.
Mixture Screw - Device to meter too little
fuel to engine at critical
moments.
Propeller: Handy tool to cut away excess
skin on knuckles.
JETTIQUETTE
Always inform the other pilots of your intentions, your intention to
takeoff, your intention to land, and your intention to make a big crater
in the middle of the runway (it's always hard taxiing around those
fuselage tails sticking out of the ground).
When walking up to the runway for landing, it is impolite to walk
between two people using a buddy box.
It's considered bad manners to yell at someone who's been tying up
the runway, even for a substantial length of time. After all, that's
what water balloon bombs are for.
It is the ultimate in bad manners to run over someone else's plane
when backing out of the parking area, unless that plane is the only one
with half a chance at beating you in the next contest.
If a fellow flier should be unfortunate enough to seriously injure
himself at the field, common courtesy demands that you should lend any
assistance necessary, such as helping him Super Glue the forty-two inch
long gash on his forehead together, so he can get back to the serious
business of flying.
If your aircraft goes out of control, it is polite to warn other
pilots of the fact by calling out "HEADS UP!". Diving under a table and
yelling "YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, SUCKERS!" is not considered appropriate
behavior.
It is not only rude but against club rules to buzz the pits, the
road, or the parking area. On the other hand, the guy mowing the strip
is always fair game.
Always be considerate and patient with a beginner pilot who comes to
the flying field with a trainer. Someday he'll be a reckless egotistical
pilot, just like you.
*****************************************************************************************************
Sent in by Dan Shaffar
You might be an
RC airplane modeler if... You
have more than one scar on your "cranking hand."
You spend more time at the office browsing online hobby sites than doing
your work.
You have 47
miscellaneous NiCd batteries and can't find a pair of D cells for your
flashlight.
You see your wife
ironing while wearing a thin nighty and it reminds you of the Monokote
job you need to finish.
110 degree scorchers
are forecasted for the weekend and you hope it isn't breezy.
You smash your thumb
with a hammer while doing a project for your wife and the only thing you
worry about is will it be healed by the weekend.
You have fuel stains
on the knees of your favorite slacks.
You have plenty of
paper towels and Windex but your car windshield is always dirty.
You keep feeling for
the trim tabs on your TV remote control.
You have at least
three planes in various stages of completion.
You use your field
box to crank your weed eater.
You think R/C flying
should be an Olympic event.
You are making an
inverted low pass and then pull UP on the elevator
You get to the field
and realize your transmitter is still on charge at home
You will go flying
when it's 104 but you wont cut the grass for your wife cause" it's too
hot out there"
You buy a $600 mini
lathe to make $5 airplane parts
You can program a
multifunction 9 channel computer radio but you cant figure out your VCR
You have a dog-eared
Tower Hobbies catalog in your bathroom
You spend $12.50 to
get your wife some costume jewelry and $365 for r/c stuff and figure
everything is even
You consider a
Sunday picnic a few hot dogs and some soda at the field
Your wedding
anniversary falls on the weekend of a fly in and you actually think about
your choices
You shop Toys-R-Us
for pilots
You have balls of
dust on top of your living room furniture
You have EVER glued
your hands together with CA and have had to use an exacto knife in your
teeth to cut them apart.
You have built two
right wings for a single winged plane
You are shopping for
land to build your dream home on and would rather have open pastureland
than rolling wooded hills
You have at least 3
planes in separate stages of completion
You think R/C flying
should be an Olympic event.
You wear goggles and
a silk scarf around your neck on the way to the field
You have at least 10
T-shirts with airplanes on them
You use more waxed
paper building planes than your wife does baking
You buy the "wife
and kids" a new Pentium 3 computer for Christmas so you can practice with
the Dave Brown flight simulator
You introduce your
wife as your co- pilot
Sent in by Dan
Shaffar
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of
tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed
with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain
rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to
get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a
tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who
had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is
going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the crap
out of a ghost"
Happy Halloween !
